Sex, Blood, and Rock 'n' Roll...

nekojin.shinigami@gmail.com — Wed, 25 Jul 2007 09:37:45 GMT

It's haven't written any entries into this dismal little journal in some time now. Honestly, I'm just not around that often anymore. I got a new job recently to top matters off. Contact info is still available in my profile. I hope you all are taking care.

~Tyler

To everyone

nekojin.shinigami@gmail.com — Tue, 19 Jun 2007 20:21:16 GMT

Today I wanted to find some old samples of my poetry, and in doing so found myself looking through a number of old entries I've posted in this quaint little journal.

This goes out to everyone I've ever associated myself with on this little stretch of cyber space, and specifically anyone who used to frequent the forums:

What happened? Honestly, what happened between us? Not just you and I, but every one of us that were once connected?

I remember really feelings like I was a part of something. I remember the days when I could say without hesitation that I'd take a bullet for just about any one of you. I wasn't a happy kid by any stretch of the imagination. Honestly, I was rather troubled. Still, I look back on those times and I barely remember how badly it all hurt. I remember you guys. Specifically, I remember the family that took me in. I remember caring so deeply for you guys. I've been reminded just how much I miss you guys. I miss my twin sis Miao and my big bro Ezelek. We used to talk all the time and have a hell of a time. I know life is complicated, but I really wish we could talk more. I've really fallen out with Ez. I don't know what I ever did to really upset him. I wish he'd at least tell me what is up, but I'm not going to bother if he honestly doesn't care to talk with me about it. I never talk to Mad anymore either. I don't know if anything really changed between him and I, but I've always thought that he was a right decent bloke.

I know kali and I aren't on good terms. Hell, I doubt we'll ever be again. I remember what a strong sense of self you appeared to have. I'm sorry for whatever it was tha happened between us. You and I may have had our differences, but it's just the same with everyone else, ya know? I never really wished you any ill will. It all seems really petty now. If this is the way she wants things, I'm not going to fight for something that was so fragile to begin with.

Kit! Get in touch with me for Christ's sake >.< You're impossible to catch online. I'm not nearly as hard to find. You know how awkward I feel calling people for the first time! Step it up, big bro XP

There are so many others to address! Wren and Paul. I've known Wren longer, but I don't know if she really reads this journal anymore. I've always loved talking to her. It's always proved interesting. I remember how she broke me of my habit of apologizing for everything. Skjie, you're obnoxious, but I like you all the same XP

I even remember Ero before he took on his edgy-cool attitude. He was fun to talk to. I wish things didn't turn to crap with him.

Paige and Tebs: Paige, your taste in music is absolutely horrible XD I love you anyways, sweets. Thanks for beong one of the few people that has put relative effort into keeping in touch. No matter how long we go without talking, I know things will never change between us. Tebs, I miss you. I miss talking to you about absolutely nothing. I know I haven't always followed your advice, but your opinion means the world to me. Just to know you care enough to add your two-cents means a lot. You were supposed to swing by LA during summer break. What ever happened with that? I really miss ya, hon.

Icy/Brian/whatever. I can't imagine he still looks over this pitiful little journal. I miss talking on the phone with him...or at least hearing him talk on the phone XD Ah, the missing half of the Shinji-trinity. You, Kit, and me. The black ranger, the black ranger, and the black ranger XD

Jimmy! I don't even know if you loiter online anymore. I'm damn sure you won't ever end up reading this. I miss hanging out with you, bro. You were a huge part of my life for a while there. Thanks for the good times. I'll try and get in touch with you in the future.

Ahahahahaahahaha, Grey. You lovable asshole. I never see you around anymore. I miss our conversations. Can you even call them that? It's more like throwing insults back and forth while trying to squeeze actual content between the digs...sometimes XD

Clay: I'm glad we've started talking again. I definitely need to pay you a visit. If for no other reason than to taste that cooking you're so proud of.

Barrems: You were an asshole then, and you're an asshole now. So little has changed XD Still, your MASSIVE ego aside, you've always been rather pleasant to talk to.

I could probably do this forever. I'm looking over what I've written, and realizing just how insane I am...or still am. It's an odd feeling. I know I don't get on with a lot of you guys half as well as I used to. I don't outright dislike anyone of you. I honestly with we got along better. When it comes to loitering about online, I really wish things were more like they used to be.

Have I changed that much? Has my transformation from a mentally unstable angst factory to who I am now really left such a bad taste in everyone's mouth? I still get along with a handful of you guys just as well as I ever did, sure. I know it's just the fact that we never talk anymore that makes me feel like we've all grown so distant. Still, there are an awful lot of people I considered friends that completely shun me now. What has changed with me that makes me so unappealing? Honestly, I'd love to hear from any one of the various people I've mentioned. Any insight at all would be great...but honestly? I'm not expecting much.

nekojin.shinigami@gmail.com — Fri, 15 Jun 2007 16:44:24 GMT

Far too much going on inside my head lately. I know it would be a futile attempt to try and vent it all here. It'll probably pass sooner or later. Though I know these troublesome thoughts won't ever really go away, I take some solace in the fact that I know they'll quiet themselves down within a few days or weeks.

Finally got my hair cut. Five years of growing it out before I felt the need for a change in pace:

Cristina and I'll have been together for a year come the 21st. I'm taking her out to Disneyland and topping the night off with a nice dinner. Should be fun. Go us.

nekojin.shinigami@gmail.com — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 08:21:14 GMT

Christ, people are stupid.

nekojin.shinigami@gmail.com — Sat, 17 Mar 2007 10:04:25 GMT

I talked to my father today. It was the first time I've seen him face to face in a while. He left me with something to think about. Apparently I'm free to go stay with my family in Japan whenever I'm ready to do so. I could work for the family or if I wait until I'm through with school snag a job that pays around $85, 000 a year. Either way, I could go and live in Japan with nigh zero living expenses.

...but I'd probably have to leave my girlfriend behind. My family. My friends. All those things that make life bearable.

I've reached the conclusion that I'm definitely going to wait until I've finished my education before I start seriously thinking of accepting the offer that's been extended to me. I don't want to move and merely leech off my family (though lord knows the branch of the Sugita family that lives in Japan isn't hurting for money >.>). There is no chance that I'm going to leave Cristina behind, either.

nekojin.shinigami@gmail.com — Mon, 19 Feb 2007 13:55:42 GMT

Something is gained, something is lost. This seems to be the way of the world, does it not? Life seem to boil down to nnumerable opportunity cost. I wonder if that's what's happening here. It's been forever since I've updated this old journal. I haven't had anything worth putting here, really. I no longer really use this to record the account of my life. I realize now what this journal is: it's the last thread that I use to hold together relationships with people I rarely even speak to anymore. In some cases, the dwindling state of these relationships are by no one's fault in particular. It's just life. People get busy. That's the way things go. In other cases people have made a conscious decision to make themselves distant. Some really don't talk to anyone anymore. Hell, some of you who may read this I don't even like. Some of you disgust me. Some of you I miss. Some of you make me wonder why we never talk anymore. Some of you I don't even know. Perhaps you know who you are. Since coming out of that dank shell we call adolescence, I've never made it too hard for a person to know how I feel about them. I'm someone who believes life is too short to keep your feelings about a person to yourself. Let someone know how you feel about them. If you like them, let them know. If not, curse their name. Tomorrow doesn't come for everyone.

I see myself losing more and more friends over the last year or so. These are the people in which I owe my sanity. Looking back on that time in my life is like recalling a bad dream. The odd part? I miss part of that nightmare. I've spoken with some very interesting individuals; some of which I wish lived closer. I've met some people online in person, and come to realize that they're actually very sweet people as long as they don't have the safety of computer screen to hide behind. I've met more than enough assholes through this bastard machine. I hope they never change. The lot of them make myself look better by comparison.

I'm happier than I've been in god only knows how long. I have a wonderful girlfriend. I'm content with where I stand in this family. I'm going to school, and majoring in Japanese. I even have a job, though I find myself desiring to find another as soon as possible. All in all, I'm pretty happy with life. To say I don't miss some of you that I've only known through this terrible beast we call the internet would taste a lie, though.

As I stated above, life seems to be little more than a collection of opportunity cost. Sacrifice one thing in order to gain another. I hope I haven't left anyone feeling like they were sacrificed in order for me to get my life together. I know what it's like to feel like you were someone's "friend" just until they could get their shit shit straight, and it sucks something horrid. I'm honestly not a hard guy to get in touch with. Admittedly, I don't find myself in front of a computer as often as I used to. Still, my contact info is readily available in my user info if anyone else ever needs/wants to get in touch with me.

While there are only a handful or so in which this applies, please know this: If you find yourself at some point randomly thinking "ya know, I miss talking to Shini," rest assure that the feeling is mutual.

nekojin.shinigami@gmail.com — Mon, 01 Jan 2007 00:03:32 GMT

I met Tyler today. We are playing chess.

Which movie was this quote from?

You've got Tyler on you.

Which movie was this quote from?

By the way:

Happy holidays, belated as this gesture might be.

people should not fear their governments

nekojin.shinigami@gmail.com — Sun, 05 Nov 2006 12:14:01 GMT

Remember, remember, the 5th of November
The Gunpowder Treason and plot;
I know of no reason why Gunpowder Treason
Should ever be forgot.

nekojin.shinigami@gmail.com — Tue, 17 Oct 2006 09:44:10 GMT

Life is confusing. Try to please everyone, and sometimes you'll end up pleasing no one. Pity, that. Today was odd indeed. Going to Halloween Haunt this Saturday. That should be fun. I have class at 11...

....

I just got off the phone with my big sister (step-sister, techinically). She was sobbing, and that's not something I'm accustomed to hearing from her at all...She's really one of the strongest people I know...I pray to whatever god(s) may exist that she'll be okay....

Tonight...or last night, I should say....has definitely been quite odd...

nekojin.shinigami@gmail.com — Tue, 03 Oct 2006 22:37:57 GMT

I can't think of any words strong enough to describe how awesome Hellsing Volume 8 is.

nekojin.shinigami@gmail.com — Tue, 19 Sep 2006 08:57:25 GMT

Dear residents of my mind,

I apologize for the mess. I know I keep asking for just a little more time to tidy up, but I think after several years of this we've both come to the realization that it won't be getting any less cluttered up there for quite some time. I'm all too aware that the living conditions are less than adequate. Yes, most of it's rather broken, boarded up, blocked from access, or there are just gaping holes for who knows what to move in and out. To be fair, though, I'm not keeping you here. If the accommodations are not to your liking, and while I can't blame you, you are always free to leave. I don't wholly remember inviting you in the first place.

Sincerely,

Shini

just another disappointment

nekojin.shinigami@gmail.com — Fri, 08 Sep 2006 06:11:34 GMT

Out of al my ex-girlfriends, Amie has always stood apart as the one that I couldn't bring myself to hold any ill will against. From beginning to end, she was an incredibly sweet girl. Well, time changes all, I suppose. After all my defending her and trying to help her through her hard times, she's turned her back on me and my friendship since she seems to be doing a bit better than when she left me. It's a pity. Just another disappointment, indeed. I'm not one to get all upset about these sort of things. I've let several friends slip away without so much as a word. I just expected more of her. I've moved on since having been with her, but I've always hopped for her well being. Now...I honestly don't give a damn. It's funny for someone who has been so horribly betrayed, she was sure quick to completely bail on any prospects of friendship. Just never really expected it from her...I'm still kinda shocked. You know, when my computer died, the first thing on my mind was that the only pictures I can rely on to remain so that I may never forget her are gone.

People come and go. Friends don't last forever. I guess time was up for our friendship. Here's hoping karma leaves her be, despite how part of me hopes she gets smitted to hell for pulling this shit.

I'm sure spending some time with Cristina this weekend will do my mind some good.

nekojin.shinigami@gmail.com — Tue, 05 Sep 2006 09:20:31 GMT

I know I don't really write in this old thing that often anymore, but I do still check up on my friends page. So many of you guys seem really depressed these days. Lord knows I'm no stranger to that particular mood, and if anyone of you need to someone to talk to, I'm almost always available. My number and IM address is in my user info.

To the few of you who might actually be reading this:

Drop me an email when any of you guys get a chance. I miss talking to a lot of you. If you're not big on talking on the phone, just drop me a email to let me know you're at least gettin' by and haven't completely forgotten me.

That goes double for Tebras, Amies, Laceys, and Kaylas of every variation.

Denise-twin: Get your silly catgirl butt to California sometime. We have candy and cookies here. It is awesome, and stuff.

Todd: Can't think of much to say, really. Talking to Paige ends up in you being brought up with all your fandoms and such. Reminds me of old times, and kinda leaves me wishing we talked more. Nostalgia's awesome.

Grey: lol u got AIDS

nekojin.shinigami@gmail.com — Thu, 10 Aug 2006 01:12:35 GMT

We all have things about our friends that make us slightly envious. Not in a bad way, but in a 'Wow! I wish I had that person's hair/eyes/money/relationship/toenails/whatever.' So tell me what about me makes you envy me (if there is such a thing), then post this in your LJ and see what makes me envious of you.

nekojin.shinigami@gmail.com — Sat, 29 Jul 2006 12:15:53 GMT

My cell phone's been replaced. Same number as before, so no need to memorize a new number on my part. Pretty sweet deal if I do say so. Anyone who has cingular as their network can give me a call at whatever time they please; otherwise, feel free to call during the weekend when it's free ^_^

That is all.

nekojin.shinigami@gmail.com — Sun, 16 Jul 2006 08:29:35 GMT

So...my cell phone fell into a drainage ditch and was swept away by water. With that said, I'm out one of the only ways people from afar can keep in touch with me, and I with them. And of course the timing for said incident was terrible. That's the very short version of this tale.

If you wanna get in touch with me, it looks like you'll have to call my house phone -_- If I wanna get in touch with you (which I probably do if you're actually reading this) I'm probably gonna need your number...again >.>

nekojin.shinigami@gmail.com — Thu, 13 Jul 2006 11:15:32 GMT

I'm not too sure how much longer I'm gonna keep this thing up and running. Anyone who wants to can get in touch with me via email or my sporadic use of AIM.

I don't know what to do with a handful of people I really care about.

A few friendships around here seem to be crumbling. One of my friends seems to embody instability. Several people I find myself unsure if I can even still call them friends. A few people who used to mean the world to me have completely stopped talking to me. I can never seem to get in touch with someone who's like a sister to me (either she calls me while I'm without phone, or I call her and she's not about. It's really quite goofy). Another person I really *do* care about seems to be in the grips of terrible depression and self-loathing (crazy that I could still worry about ex-girlfriends so much). And people that I used to call my chosen family have completely fallen out of my life by my own hand ('cause I couldn't deal with their collective asinine spats and comparison of e-peni).

Even with all that said...I'm doin' pretty damn good...and I fell kinda guilty for as much *sighs*

If we don't talk and you're one of the unnamed people mentioned above, I hope you know that I do care about you and that I wis you the best of luck with everything. My phone line isn't as open as I'd like it to be, but if you need me, I'll try to get in touch after you call.

~Shini

nekojin.shinigami@gmail.com — Sun, 02 Jul 2006 20:46:36 GMT

So...the 4 days I'd originally planned to spend at Anime Expo has turned into one, and that's tomorrow. I really have no reason I shouldn't be able to go today...save the fact that all my money is currently in check form, and the banks are closed on the weekend. Go go preparation -_- I had a date yesterday with my girlfriend, so I didn't mind missing the first day at all. I have a party on the 4th that I may or may not be attending, so I may go that day, too. Just not being able to go today kinda steams me. Suppose it's my own fault, though. Distraction beats out preparation X3

nekojin.shinigami@gmail.com — Wed, 28 Jun 2006 09:38:37 GMT

Cristina and I are offically together :D

nekojin.shinigami@gmail.com — Mon, 26 Jun 2006 19:08:57 GMT

My date with Cristina went pretty damn good last night. I think we'll definitely be seeing more of one another. Even what I saw of the movie we went to was good ^^'

Good times.

nekojin.shinigami@gmail.com — Sat, 24 Jun 2006 19:02:41 GMT

Things have been going quite nicely over the last few days.

I've finally, finally graduated high school, and managed to get to know this girl there much better. I have a date of sorts with her either today or tomorrow. I'm still feeling *something* for another of my friends, but I havent' heard from her in nigh a week, and she's definitely not ready for a relationship. This gives her time, and if she's ready sometime in the future, we'll just see what happens ^_~

I have more than enough money to make that trip up to Baton Rouge, but I haven't heard anything from like...anyone. I'm not sure if it's still on, or if things are too hectic there now, or something...We'll have to figure this sometime soon *nods*

Looks like I'm goin' to AX '06 ^____^ Anime Expo was soooo awesome last year. I'm glad I don't have to miss it this year. And I has money to spend when I go, too :O

Oh, and I'm seeing Pirates of the Caribbean II: Dead Man's Chest with a couple of friends and my lil' brother at the El Capitan Theater ^^ I saw the first Pirates movie there, and it was utterly cool. I can't wait to see the second one (Davvy Jones! *shakes fist*)

So yeah, looks like I have a lot to look forward to this summer :D

....(still need a job, though -_-)

giggles incoherently

nekojin.shinigami@gmail.com — Thu, 22 Jun 2006 11:47:38 GMT

I just got home from my high school's post-graduation celebration. *giggles* My last day at that school definitely ended with a bang. I was like a completely different person. I even danced and everything O.O I've managed to expand my horizons a bit. I can definitely see that gray area that my eye was somewhat blind to before. I didn't smoke or anything. No, nothing detrimental to my health..Just...a change. Maybe it was for the better; maybe it wasn't. I'm not quite sure. *yawns* I think it's affected to me for a the better. I can some things from both sides of the table now. That's nice. I totally feel like Keith Richards right now, save the booze or drugs or awesome. Just barely alive, but definitely no where near dead. I'll have a more coherent post on everything that happened tonight when I wake up tomorrow...today...whatever.

nekojin.shinigami@gmail.com — Thu, 22 Jun 2006 03:02:44 GMT

Mission Complete

nekojin.shinigami@gmail.com — Mon, 19 Jun 2006 16:32:41 GMT

After today, I'm offically done with all my high school classes. Go team.

nekojin.shinigami@gmail.com — Thu, 15 Jun 2006 08:54:31 GMT

Results courtesy http://www.hotwire.com

Los Angeles, CA (LAX) to Baton Rouge, LA (BTR)

Leaving: 08/04/06
Returning: 08/21/06

Price: $319
--------

Now let's just hope that's the right airport ^^' *shrugs* Yeah, the plans still need some work.

Sex, Blood, and Rock 'n' Roll...

To everyone

people should not fear their governments

just another disappointment

*giggles incoherently*

giggles incoherently